"What do you mean you don’t know how to make me feel better? You’re a therapist!"

This was a recent, somewhat indignant response from a friend I was chatting with earlier this week. She was sharing some very painful emotions she was struggling to navigate, and as her friend, I was trying to be a safe place for her to share. 

Her comment reminded me that she—like many people—might believe therapists have some secret recipe to make unpleasant emotions disappear. While it’s true that we’re trained to help people cope with strong feelings, the truth is this:

Even if I had magical fairy dust to make your emotions vanish, I wouldn’t use it. Ever.

Here’s why.

Emotions, even the incredibly uncomfortable ones, are a gift you can not afford to ignore. Think of them as relentless little messengers trying to give you important information about your life.

Imagine being on a boat, and your compass shows you’re off course. You wouldn’t say, “Ugh, this compass is so annoying! It keeps telling me I’m off course! Someone get me a hammer!” No, you’d think, “Wow, that’s not great. What adjustments should I make to get back on track?” Then you’d thank your lucky stars for the genius who invented the compass and happily continue toward your destination.

It’s the same with emotions. They’re guiding you, even when they’re uncomfortable, and learning to listen to them is essential for not getting lost.

Learning to listen to your emotions doesn’t mean letting them take over or dictate your actions—it means paying attention to what they’re trying to tell you. Are they signaling a boundary that’s been crossed, a choice that isn’t aligned with a value, or a need that isn’t being met? When you tune in, you can use that information to make thoughtful adjustments to your life.

Instead of trying to make certain feelings go away (BTW it usually doesn’t work for very long), see them for what they are: an invaluable source of insight, a gift from yourself to yourself, helping you stay attuned to your life and guiding you toward what truly matters.

Listening to your emotions isn’t always easy, but it’s the key to living a more authentic, beautiful life.